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Sunday, May 2, 2010

Walking in the beach....................

He liked walking. Walking alone. He would play one or two songs on his phone, repeating it over and over again. He would push in his ear phones as tight and snug as possible, the volume to its maximum. He doesn't want to be disturbed. There were a thousand cars he didn't want to hear, there were a thousand engines he didn't care for, a thousand horns, he didn't want to hear anyone's hello, he didn't care for what they said on their phones. He liked to walk alone. The streets were crowded, the roads were scary, and his gaze was distant. He didn't see the people, he didn't notice the cars, the smell of burning rubber and gas never reached his senses. The beach smelled of salty sand and sweet coconuts. The static and stagnant air drenched him in dusty sweat. Yet he imagined a cool breeze, It was the beach he was walking on, the one with the white sand, the crystal blue waters, the one with coconut palms lining the sea till the horizon. The one on the lost island. The one no one else will ever know about. Today he would see sea turtles dig their nests. They would never be bothered by him standing close to their lairs. Few of them even brush his feet as they slowly crawl out from the ocean. The street lights drowned everything in pale yellow. But his beach was cradled in the evening's cool gaze. He was walking. A sea of humanity brushed past him in that crowded street, but he only felt the tickling breeze of the wide blue wonder. There wasn't any shells to collect, nor was there any reason to stop. He has his songs,, veiling his senses from the world. He wore no mask, his face was the brightest in the crowd. It was lit by the tropical evening sun, ready to dream as a full moon glorifies the blue rendezvous. All the faces around him wore masks, the dull street lights camouflaging their creases and frowns. He would never be a part of their world. He could never be. He would still walk among them looking for nothing, talking to no one. He would change the songs, he would change his clothes, he would change his dreams and yet he would be a shipwreck walking on magical white beach.
He stopped at a small shop. He bought a bottle of water. It was going to be along walk back he realized. Maybe he should take a break, watch unfamiliar,identical faces pass by. Watch their forgotten dreams fade away in yellow street light. They all must have forgotten what they loved. They must have loved someone, something , some dream as a child. Maybe for two years maybe for five maybe ten. Do they remember that now, what they wanted to be, how they wanted to live their lives, when they were a child. Now to them it must seem stupid, immature, childish fantasies, that doesn't ever happen in the real world. He wondered if they still loved the same people, or did practicality and material logic slowly govern their emotions. All their dearest fantasies destroyed. He wondered if they ever tried to live those fantasies. He would never stop wanting to live those fantasies. He dreamed of them every single moment. He wasted his life dreaming. He was waiting, he was searching for the right moment in destiny when his wings would grow and stretch out. He almost believed it would happen. Why shouldn't he? The best parts of his life has been in his imagined worlds, he would explore them inch by inch. He would look for a friend a partner,a mate, a friend in the crowds, a familiar face he has never laid eyes on before. A face he might see on his island, a smile he wouldn't mind seeing. A face he would never get tired of. A face he could see in his adventures, beside him forever. He knew there existed no such face. It wouldn't be fair to others. Two people enjoying all they want in their adventures, which others forget to even dream. The world had already crucified him. If he had a partner he was sure he would be burnt like a witch. But it would be great to have partner, just like him so he didn't have to talk to himself. Both of them can conquer the world. How would he find such a person. There was no way. How will he know such a person. The world by itself was a network of loneliness. No one truly shared. But he knew such a person would share, like him. He might as well look for him. On every face that passed by him he would try to look beyond their material mask. Most of the time he removed their mask, he would find nothing. Just a hollow container of dreams drained into the lost. Yet he would sometimes find a little glimmer in some eye that's almost going to fade. He would smile at them, ever so slightly, hoping that his smile could make that glimmer last a little longer. Maybe one day he will see the glimmer last longer and longer. Maybe that day he will find himself smiling, at a mirror, maybe he would find himself in another. Maybe that day the dark, greasy skies of the city would rain stars, and maybe, just maybe he would catch those falling stars.

It was a long walk. He decided to take a break. He always chose the right spot. A spot where he could see all the faces, a spot where the darkness almost made him invisible, a spot where a slight tilt of his head could bring him into light. He found his place. He wasn't ordinarily interested by tall buildings with the amoebic activity of society throbbing and pulsing around it, but today he was in his beach. He loved the beach. He fiddled with his settings on this phone, played with the equalizer and widened the stereo. He wanted to be sitting in front of a wide ocean, full of blue wonders and mystery, his voice shouldn't echo today, but get lost in between dolphins. He pulled out his cigarette and lit it. His face in the darkness, he looked at everyone watching by, most of them were like him, everyone lived in their own world. The difference was his world was built on dreams and flying castles, everyone else built their dreams on concrete and printed paper. He slowly sucked on his cigarette, releasing the smoke even slower blowing it in from of his eyes. He looked through he smoke, hoping to see anything. He watched the smoke slowly fade away, rising up into infinity. He took another drag and blew a thick cloud, and he looked at it. How slowly the edges swirl away, how the white grays away. He watched how it slowly spread away stretching and swirling, like a small personal sky of his own, above him. He inhaled longer, sucked in more and slowly opened his mouth letting a larger cloud of smoke float away. He looked though the cloud. He saw it roll and swirl inside out, and then, that's when he saw small sparkle, a shine. That's when he felt the shiver, did he see it? The cloud smoke spread above him, making a thin personal sky. And as he looked through his sky he saw a hundred stars floating down. Was it real? It was wonderful, the shiver in his thoughts materialized, a cold wave of euphoria spread through his veins. This is real!The glittering shiny golden stars were falling over him. Where was he, on the beach ? No ,the stars glided down from a starless sky. They were little, the stars., as it floated down by him. His eyes widened. Where was he? The yellow hue of the street sparkled as the stars glided towards the earth. He forgot about the beach. His hands floated up unknowingly, and he watched as his hand slowly grabbed a star among hundred others. A golden star, torn from the night sky.

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