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Tuesday, May 18, 2010


She didn't like anyone anymore. He opened her window wide. She stretched her hands and yawned. It was less of a yawn and more of a wail of frustration. She felt her muscles stretch, a cold prickly wave of relief took over her spine. She twisted her body and cracked her knuckles. Her friends wouldn't approve of this, it wasn't very feminine. It was anti-vogue. That's exactly why she did it. She removed her hair band and let the wind play with her hair. He looked down the 15 floors , and saw her friends, all dressed up and noisy filling up a car. It was a changing world around her. Her friends changed, the winds changed, thoughts changed, but she never changed. She understood it was all a war, a race to become someone else. She wasn't racing. But she was fighting to remain her self, to see the wind make love to her hair and not worry about the two hours or straightening , coloring and blowing her hair had to under go to mimic that actresses hair. She watched how the wind tugged at her curls, lifting it then dropping it, how it's invisible fingers brushed her hair and then like a little boy tangled it and finally blew it over her face.

Her phone beeped, she didn't look at it. It was her friends telling they are having a good time and maybe they could have hooked her up with someone handsome. She didn't want a hook up. She didn't understand what a hook up meant. Why would she? Like everyone else, she also dreamed of finding that person. Her real soul mate. But, unlike everyone else, she didn't stop looking and have a “hook up”. She didn't want to define her relationships by practicality or sensibility. She was a romantic and she will remain one. That is exactly why she stood here, gazing out of the window at the dusty smoke slithering through the streets. Dreaming. She had built her tree house here. The window looking down at this magical waterfall. Mist spraying over her lips, she would lick the sweet dew. The gushing blue waters drummed up a rhythm for the birds to sing. She could even hear little crickets chirping over the thunderous drums roll of the waterfall. The river would snake through the thick and alive jungle till it meets in the ocean. This was the river. This was her river, the river in which her soul mate would come. He would row his little boat of aspirations and adventure and steer it right into her magical cascades. She wouldn't settle for anyone else. She wouldn't any lover or part time romance to dilute this fantasy. She would make sure she deserved to live her fantasy. Her phone beeped again.

She checked her messages, it was her friend telling how much the other guy liked her gold eye liner. Fuck the eyeliner. Whats wrong with everyone she thought. She had to help her friend put her gold eyeliner for about one hour. Did Cleopatra use gold eyeliner. Yeah! Cleopatra also slept with thousand men. She remember something. The gold eyeliner was in her bag. She ruffled through her bag and found it. Golden eyes don't sound really good. The sun was golden, it makes the mountain tops golden. Even these gray concrete buildings which spread in her horizon would turn golden when the sun kissed its forehead. The stars were golden. Golden stars. She looked up in the inky sky. Not even one was seen. She looked down at the people walking not one person looked up. No one wanted to see the stars nowadays. Even if they did they wouldn't see any. The stars and heavenly bodies didn't matter anymore. The stars are the ones we see on TV and heavenly bodies are what stars have. But today some one is going to see some stars . She searched through her stationary and found a large piece of paper. Today she would be god. A goddess. She browsed through her drawers till she found a bottle of black paint. She was a goddess and now she will infuse this white and dull sky with the mystery and enigma of darkness. She poured the entire bottle of black paint over it. And with her hands spread the paint evenly covering the her canvas, her night sky. The might goddess conjuring the night with her dancing hand. With a hearty smile of self realization she started tearing the black paper into little pieces. She wondered why people changed so much? She wouldn't change. She was a rock, it would take years of weathering and erosion to change her. Years. Even thought things didn't work out for her. She was proud that she never let go of her ethics, and personality. She fantasized now what she fantasized ages ago. She was a queen then and she is a queen now. She had her palace built on a water fall with little blue fairies flying around now she waited in that same palace, as a goddess. She wouldn't settle for a puny mortal who likes gold eyeliners to share her little paradise with. She would only share it with a god. A god who has the power to let everyone else disappear, a god who could conjure up dreams,even in this dry deserts of imagination. She looked at the little pieces of paper she was tearing. A god who can catch these stars. She leaned and looked down at the streets, at the stream of unemotional superficial souls flowing over the tar and concrete, lifeless, ugly and lost.

She finished tearing up the black paper. Her sky. Now she will make her stars. She took out the eye liner and with the same intense smile, she started painting little stars. One each bit of paper. She left one side blank. For imagination. She sat there on the window's ledge painting. Each star she gave a name. “This is 'Jasmine eye'........ you are 'blue son' you want to be ' snake berry'....” a thousand names for a thousand stars. At some names she laughed at herself . Some were sweet, some a little naughty. But she kept painting those stars and giving them names. In the back of her occupied mind,s he could see herself sitting on the edge of the window and painting the stars. Pathetic. Is she saw someone doing the same she would be concerned. Was she out of her mind. She wanted to be. This was her rebellion. Her anger, her unheard mutiny with her life. Her silent escape. Her insanity.

She finished creating her stars. She watched all the people walking below her. She was still in her tree house. But the stars made it more divine, more spectacular more divine. She grabbed all of her stars. She imagined herself in those streets as hundreds of stars rain down her. For a moment she was there. When the stars hit the street. She hoped someone might appreciate it. Someone like her, who never forgot about how magical life was. She wanted to tell something, now. Maybe a poem, maybe some iconic verses, gods always said something. She couldn't thing of anything. Without further thought she hurled , her paper stars out into the streets. She closed her eyes, felt a little breathless. A certain helplessness, like everything else in her life, she lost control of her stars too. She imagined the stars spreading and glittering falling over the streets like an unexpected drizzle in the summer. She imagined how faces would suddenly lit up, when they see stars fall. No most of them wouldn't even notice it, and complain how people litter the streets. She opened her eyes , to face the truth. She didn't see the stars spread out, she didn't see it magically glittering. The bits of paper had got caught in draft of air, her luck. The little air devil lifted her stars and floated it away, If she squinted her eyes hard enough she noticed a glimmering ball caught in the wind. All her stars stuck swirling ball. The smile in her face was stiff, her hopes hadn't faded yet. She watched as the wind rolled up her paper stars and swung it around. It would hit the ground any moment now. Suddenly a wisp of smoke joined the swirling dance of her stars. Then she noticed someone. He was sitting on a bench and staring at her stars, Her smile relaxed, sparkled her eye. She saw her stars hover over him, gliding slowly, smothering him in sparkles. Life was magical for him. She saw him. She could feel his euphoria, feeding her ecstasy. She saw him raise his hand through the stars. She saw him feeling the stars fall over him, she saw him catching one star, immersed in this miracle, gazing into her creation. She knew it was ' beach dew', the first star she created.


Anonymous said...

Dont ever again write about what a girl is thinking!
This time I forgive you.

Anonymous said...

No girl is going crazy like this.but its nice to read